'Why I Do'

When you’re the ‘go to’ person, for everyone you know, who do you have to turn to?

My brain is scattered, in both my conscious and unconscious states.

I can’t think straight to save myself.

I don’t feel close to anyone anymore.

I want everything that I can’t have.

I miss everyone. I miss everything.

I want to sleep to stop thinking, but if I do, I know nightmares are in store.

I hate everyone and everything around me, and I hate that I hate it.

Nothing feels right. At all.

Nobody believes like I do.

I need the “Everything will be okay“‘s that I haven’t heard in years.

The “Don’t worry your head, just go to sleep“‘s.

I need something, someone, to console me away from the harsh reality.

I’m afraid of everything.

Everybody grew up too fast.

I will never be ready to move past this all.

I will never understand why everyone is who they are.

Or why they enjoy being that person.

I can’t accept my family for who they are.

I can’t stand who they become. Who they’re becoming.

Everyone is everything that I despise.

Right now, I am everything that I despise.

I need a break.

I need a hug.

I need a good cry.

I need a good night’s sleep.